All our lives, we have been meeting people, meeting friends. They come in all shapes and sizes, colors, sounds and smells. Everywhere we go we are introduced to new ones. As children we meet friends in school, at the park, at parties or we even become good friends with other kids in our extended family like cousins. As we grow older the playing field becomes more diverse; work, in-laws, co-parents in school, a seat mate on an airplane or airport terminal or your husband's friend's wives. But somehow the classifications are the same, to me at least. From way back when I was a kid, I have come to know the following kinds of friends. I will save the worst for last...
There are people whom you just like right away the moment you meet them. Something just clicks... Papeng, Clarissa, Ivy, my cousin Carol, Rose Anne, Tine-Tine, Coni, a new friend.... These are your bestest friends. Friends you can be totally yourself with. You can be a queen bi_ch if you please around them. They love the people you love and they hate the people you hate. Marivic, Pinky, Mimi, Hellen, Vilma, Arla, Ani., Caloy, Paul... Of course you respect all your good friends but these friends you kinda want to once in a while stand back and look at them and say I am so lucky to be her friend. Friends who were your friends but you had a falling out with them and you are no longer friends. These are friends who for some reason you don't really like; be it their face, fashion sense, diction, they are OA or they just make your blood boil but you can't really avoid them since they are part of your close-knit high school class, they are your in-laws or people you need to work with....I am not talking about me when I gave out these examples of course!?
But we are here on this earth to be one with the rest of the population. I totally believe that we are not meant to be alone. We have to cope, we have to accept and be a friend to whoever needs one. We need to learn to be a person, the best one we can be all the time.
I am so lucky to have in my list the most wonderful friends anyone can have, be it my bestest friends, really good friends or friends that simply make me smile. Friends keep me sane. I used to take my friends for granted but somehow as I got older, I began to appreciate them more.
Let us not forget that people do think of us and are grateful too for our friendship.
Any other type of friend I have left out?
Traditional schooling in the Philippines has changed drastically since I was in grade school. To put it simply it has gotten very hard for the children. Topics taught in grade 1 here in the Philippines are only being taught in the 4th grade in the US. I am not talking of course about public schools here but private schools like what my daughter attends. To think, my daughter's school in particular does not really load the girls with school work as much as the other schools do. Still you will see a lot of moms fretting about this homework and that, the art project, the lousy Spanish teacher, the math test, the missing English book and it never ends. I am writing this because next week is exam week. This phenomenon which happens a lot in traditional schools is one of the worst pressure cooker events in a grade school parent's life here.
I, myself have evolved from cool, sweet mom to mad-neurotic mom just over the course of 1st grade to 2nd grade. I have realized that the more I became obsessive about my daughter's studies, the more poorly she performed. Shame on me, that is simple parental mathematics. I don't blame myself though since you do get worried and you want your child to do well and not ever be branded as the slower one in school. What made the task more difficult is that my daughter is so happy-go-lucky. She seems not to care if she has a math quiz the next day or a trimestral exam in Pilipino. Many times, my husband and I have just given up and pray that she would actually flunk a test hard so she would learn her lesson. But she never failed in anything which leaves me and my husband with mixed feelings of disgust and pride. Because of all the worrying and praying, it took us a while to realize that we need to accept her learning and studying style and adjust. How? We simply let her be for a while and as they say today, chill! I guess our worrying made her worried too but unfortunately for all of us she was not ready for the responsibility. A lot of my co-parents have gotten their daughters tutors. Some have made a career out of tutoring their kids. You should see their dining rooms during exam week, comparable to a boardroom deliberation.
But with my daughter, our home is void of the chaos and tension. Sometimes when she reaches home, I know she just wants to play or spend time with us. I know I cannot pressure her to study. So I just trust her. Now she, herself comes up to me and asks me for help with school work, otherwise she is on her own.
She had a good grade two year and was even secretary of her class. She earned great grades and I can only be proud because my daughter is something else; unique , growing in responsibility and of course learning through it all...
My parents were never the type to give their children compliments. I never got any "Good job!", " Good work!" or " You did it!" when I was growing up. It was never an issue to me though. For whatever my parents lacked in parental empathy, my maternal grandmother more than compensated for it. I remember tagging along my Lola's luncheons with her classmates from college. (My Lola was a pharmacy graduate of the University of the Philippines in 1936) She would introduce me as if I were applying for a job. " This is my granddaughter. She can draw, paint, write poems, sing and she acted the real role in her school play..etc. etc." I was a bit embarrassed by her monologue but I know now that it then somehow helped me affirm my self-worth. I am grateful to her for that to this day.
I know and have always accepted the fact that my parents are that way but somehow you want words to be spoken too, not just implied or as they say "felt". Just to show how bad my parents were at it, the morning my architecture board exam results came out is a fine example. All modesty aside, I placed seventh on the top ten of those who passed that year. We got a call from a cousin early one September morning and she told my mom about it after reading it in the papers. I could hear my Mom shouting downstairs from the bedroom. When I came down though all she was able to do was squeeze my shoulder and say "EEEE". My Dad, on the other hand who was prepping to play tennis came down the stairs and said, " I have to give a big blow-out party. " That's it! I felt they were proud of me. I just never heard them say it. I survived..
I hold on to people's words as if they were gold. God never fails though to give me the desires of my heart. Here are some very precious compliments I received from people I will never forget:
" This is my cousin, the budding architect." - I was being introduced by my cousin Neil H to a friend of his. Somehow 'Budding" made me feel hopeful for good things to come for me in my chosen field.
" You are such a good mom." - My good friend Rica L. told me this after we we bumped into each other one busy day at the supermarket. She did not have her kids with her. I was trying to control mine. Apparently she does not even attempt to take her kids to the supermarket with her.
One time I was explaining to my daughter's K-3 teacher, Lorie R. that for a time in high school I wanted to be a nun. She said;" Oh, we can see that about you, Mrs. M"
Uh-oh, it is my fashion sense again? She said " No, we know it from your values." I was soaring!
The fourth one I just recently received from an old friend from high school She said she liked my writing and is enjoying my blog and facebook profile. I thought no one was reading this! Thanks, Michele!
These wonderful things that people have told me are indeed so precious. I know they are heavenly reminders of God's love for me and affirmation of whatever good I have done.
For my own children, I try to be vocal and cheer them on as much as I can and as much as they need it. I try to show empathy even to people I hardly know as long as the urge is there because you will never know if they need it at that particular moment, if you could make a difference.
We often take the spoken word for granted but it is a gift. It can uplift, it can build and mend a broken spirit. I refuse to write about what bad, words can do. For now I will just stick to and be madly thankful for precious words.
